Veronica Mars Quotes

In case you haven’t noticed, huge Veronica Mars fan here. So I thought i’d do a list of my favourite quotes by Veronica Mars herself, over the three seasons + the movie. Enjoy.

Let’s not forget Logan Echolls. His dad makes twenty million a picture. You probably own his action figure. Every school has an obligatory psychotic jackass. He’s ours.

-1×1 Pilot

Life’s a bitch until you die.

-1×1 Pilot

The moon tells you it starts when it gets dark, The hourglass indicates sand which means it’s the beach, the Ks & the 9s tell you it’s more specifically dog beach. It’s in code so the undesirables, which by the way, is you and me, don’t show up.

-1×2 Credit where credit is Due.

The problem with befriending the leader of a motorcycle gang is at the end of the day, he’s still the leader of a motorcycle gang.

-1×2 Credit where Credit is Due

What about you, Wallace? Your life still a non-stop Nelly video?

-1×2 Credit Where Credit is Due

They gave me a choice. I could stand by my dad, or stand by Duncan and my dead best friend’s family. I chose Dad. It’s a decision I live with every day. And you want to know the kicker? I don’t even know what’s true anymore. Maybe everyone else is right. Maybe Dad screwed up the investigation. Maybe I gave up my circle of friends – my life – over an error in Dad’s judgment.

– 1×2 Credit Where Credit is Due

The hero is the one that stays and the villain is the one that splits.

– 1×3 Meet John Smith

ahh you know. Lousy conversation but the sex was fantastic

-1×3 Meet John Smith

You know those people who can predict when change is coming in their life? I’m not one of them. Change has a way of just walking up and punching me in the face.

-1×5 You Think You Know Somebody

Meg, you’re the last good person at this school. I’d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning. If you want, I can find who posted that test for you. We’ll clear your name and make somebody pay.

-Veronica to Meg 1×8 Like a Virgin

Oh, I am so sick of not having money. I’d be the best rich person. Seriously. I’d be the perfect combination of frivolous and sensible. Money is so wasted on the wealthy.

-1×10 An Echolls Family Christmas

I prefer the biker bar by the train station. I get more attention there.

– Veronica to Keith 1×11 Silence of the Lamb

Tell me where to put your Father of the Year trophy, ’cause there’s some place I’d like to put it!

– Veronica to Keith 1×14 Mars vs Mars

Would it be weird for me to start my own drinking game? Like, I have to do a shot every time someone asks for my help?

– Veronica to Logan 1×19 Hot Dogs

Well, I wanna congratulate you, shake your hand. Congratulations. You’ve been named the world’s biggest cockroach. This award is given in recognition of your unparallell lack of decency and humanity. Bravo. You’re gonna die friendless and alone.

– 1×19 Hot Dogs

Shut up! If I want you to speak, I’ll wave a snausage over your nose. If you use Mandy again to try to convince yourself you’re not a loser, I will ruin your life, got it? You got it?

– 1×19 Hot Dogs

I can’t believe that you didn’t! You want people to leave you alone, Mandy, or better yet treat you with respect? Demand it. Make them.

– 1×19 Hot Dogs

Last question, actually. “Why do you want this position?” Honestly – and really tell me the truth – how much of an ass-kiss would I be if I admit it’s to be close to you?[Lamb pulls out her chair] Seriously, why do birds suddenly appear every time you’re near?

– Veronica to Lamb 2×2 Driver Ed

Well, that makes one of us. So are you gonna tell me why I’m here, or should I just sit back and enjoy your impression of a mildly-constipated David Caruso?

– Veronica to Lamb 2×3 Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang

Oh, you’re being a jackass. It must be an even-numbered day. I do so prefer the odd-numbered days when you’re kissing my ass for a favor.

– Veronica to Logan 2×8 Ahoy Mateys

So, this is sneaking? I’ve got a pantomine-horse disguise you could use. Do either of you have any experience being a horse’s ass?

– Veronica to Weevil and Logan 2×12 Rashard and Wallace go to white castle

No. Because saving your ass with comment, it just… it works better for me.

– Veronica to Logan 2×12 Rashard and Wallace Go To White Castle

You know, I’m not sure, but I think when they start shipping your girlfriends off, you are officially a bad boy

– Veronica to Logan 2×17 Plan B

Let me guess: you have this pathologically suspicious girlfriend and you hope maybe there’s a guidebook?

– Veronica to Logan 3×3 Wichita Linebacker

So what would Stan Marsh say in a situation like this? I think we all learned a valuable lesson about faith. You give it to the people you love. But the people who really deserve it are the ones who come through, even when you don’t love them enough.

-3×7 Of Vice and Men

You know how I feel about her! There is no way that at some point while it was happening you weren’t thinking about how much I’d hate you being with her.

-3×12 There’s got to be a morning after pill

I’m just trying to figure out which Gilmore girl you are.

– Veronica to Wallace 3×15 Papa’s Cabin

I hope we’re still friends after I taser you

– Veronica to Wallace 3×17 Debasement Tapes

A girl, a teenager, and a private detective – I’m a triple threat. Barely fits on my business card.

-3×18 I know what you’ll do next summer

And I know that Leon’s cryptography research wasn’t really stolen. Let’s see one guy to steal the machine one guy to program it and everyone to point the finger at the ex-con maintenance guy and the injustice league strikes again

– 3×19 Weevils Wobble but they don’t fall down

It’s like your this giant jackass pinata just wanting for someone to beat the candy out of you

-Veronica to Dick 3×20 the bitch is back

After all these years do you not instinctively fear me

-Veronica to Dick 3×20 The bitch is Back

Could you put your head up your ass before they stuck the egg in there, or is this new?

– Veronica to Chip 3×20 The Bitch is Back

Could you put your head up your ass before they stuck the egg in there, or is this new?

-Veronica to Piz 3×20 The Bitch is Back

So if we’re to believe this police report, Weevil left the reunion, dropped off his foxy wife and his “most changed” trophy and, still wearing his dress shirt and slacks, teamed up with the motorcycle gang he left a decade ago to harass the richest divorc√©e in Southern California?


Give it to me, Vinnie. Or I’ll tell 50 Cent’s security team where they can find the guy who posted video of Fifty baking lemon cakes while singing “Afternoon delight”.


Ooh! $10,000 Pyramid! Things a whore says!


A teenaged private eye, trust me I know how dumb that sounds. but it’s not like I found a decoder ring in the bottom of a cereal box and thought that sounds like fun, I wish, that would be adorable. Nope, my best friend was murdered when I was 15, trying to figure out who did it was how I coped. My dad was sheriff at the time, and when he went after the most powerful man in town, he turned us both into pariahs. Dad lost his job, and I lost my friends, kids can be cruel after all. The cruelest was Logan Echolls, my dead friend’s boyfriend, Like me Logan was fuelled by rage and distrust, he wanted to make someone pay. It’s likely those qualities are what drew us together, they’re absolutely¬†what tore us apart. After my dad was run out of office, he got his PI license, and opened an agency. I hung out there to learn the tricks of the trade, There was plenty of work for the both of us is the seedy beach town of Neptune California. People might think of Neptune as glamorous, home to movie stars and captains of industry. But when the class war comes, Neptune will be ground zero. It’s a Springsteen song, get out while you’re young, I got out when I was 19, leaving a trail of destruction in my wake. I’ve grown up though, that was the old me, angry me, vengeful me, the new me, people say I’m a marshmellow.

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